Shifting Universe

So much can happen in so little time...I have been feeling a shifting in the Universe for several months now. I had some important decisions to make and for the most part, have made them.While my personal shifts are quite obvious--the angst of searching for something i might never find; the fear that that search necessarily engenders; the knowledge that although time is a human construct, it affects my body and i don't want it to; the moral and ethical dilemmas that confront me regularly; the constant quest for unfettered serenity; the need to share my work coupled with the misgivings of revealing too much of myself--these are all omnipresent.

But i can't escape this overwhelming sensation that there is so much more going on right now than i am privy to. War and rumors of war; a spiritual awakening; natural disasters; alternate universes a few feet away from me... the microcosm and the macrocosm.. the promise of change and the threat of stagnation.

Shifting Universe

The KISS Method, with Perhaps Not So Much Kissing

(AKA; 50 First Dates)
Excerpt from ISO (In Search Of): The Art of Dating, Relationships & Sex For the Discerning Lesbian

I was talking with a friend about dating (What a shock--is there any other subject on my mind these days?) and how I need to learn to just enjoy the process of dating since I've never been able to do that. I was in the U-Haul crowd, all my relationships overlapped and when there was a romance, a spark, it just segued into being a couple right away. I feel I have missed out on the joys of just having a good time with a woman. I have decided I need to just enjoy it. I joked that I need to have 50 First Dates, before I allow myself to get serious with anyone. It doesn't have to be serious. Just because I go out with someone, it doesn't mean I have to see them as longterm partner material......I must remain open...that's the advice I give my friends, anyway. Look at me, giving advice on something I suck at.

..those who can't, TEACH...

What happens is, if I am attracted to a woman, and I kiss her, and it's a good kiss, a kiss that lights a fire, then my thoughts become very testosterone-like. I think about what it might be like to make love with her...then I get more excited, and all my lofty ideas and good intentions go out the window in favor of that instant gratification...everyone wants to feel good and let's face it, arousal feels good. It's rather like a drug. You just want it to continue and maybe increase...and what if this girl has a great personality, is attractive, and I am Sparkin' on her, and what if she's also a good kisser, whose lips match mine, and then I keep it simple and don't go all the way...then I'm investing in her.

An example of lips that don't match mine

And what if, when we do make a commitment, and make love, I hate it? What if she's bad in bed? then what? (or God Forfend, she feels that I AM bad in bed)--I'm not. Finding the right mate is so much like finding the right job...we really are interviewing everyone we date. Will we get along? Are we of like mind? Will the environment be to my liking? Is there financial trouble? Will there be a chance of advancement? Is there any security? Will I be passed over later, dumped, set aside for someone younger, more vibrant?

I wish those high-horsers would just get over themselves and realize that it's not shallow to be prudent, not superficial to want what we want, and not in the least insensitive to admit when something is just not a happenin' thing. Yet I realize there are ways to do that with the fewest casualties. Ultimately, though, I cannot be responsible for everyone else's feelings. I tend to do that, and then I just get all stressed out worrying about how everyone else is feeling, to the exclusion of how I'm feeling...ostensibly, we are all adults, and should able to handle the ups and downs of life and romance.

In our discussion, my friend said, "Well, I think if I could just get some good sex--"

But that argument doesn't wash for me, because I know that good sex means MEANINGFUL, going-somewhere sex. It means a connection with someone. The proverbial SPARK. Now I suppose I could learn to do the casual sex thing--as long as it was SAFE SEX, and as long as I was really Sparkin' on the woman. But is that really who I am? Or is it who I could have been, if I'd had a normal dating life all these years? Is it too late for the old girl to change?

Those who can, DO...

The KISS Method, with Perhaps Not So Much Kissing

Gnat People

There are these sorts of people who hang around like gnats. . . doing fly-by's, buzzing you in your little self imposed ivory tower. . . you smack your hands together, trying to crush them but they somehow always escape, so you keep trying to smack them between your hands over and over, until you finally believe that killing them is impossible, and they just believe you are applauding them.

Gnat People

When a relationship ends

When a relationship ends, you begin to think of all the negative things about that person. Sometimes that's a coping mechanism that helps you deal with the loss, and sometimes it's clarity. You must step away from something to truly see it. If you're glued to the side of something, you really have no idea what the other side of it looks like. But if you manage to rip yourself apart from it, you might lose skin, but the new one you grow will be thicker and more resilient-- more capable of suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Or the loss of a friend.

And is it really a loss, if your newfound clarity tells you about your myopia? Isn't it more a gain, that you learned from it, that you experienced it fully, and perhaps with the blissful ignorance that sometimes goes hand in hand with loving someone?

In the end, the best we can hope for is that we bring something away from that relationship which serves us in some beneficial way later on. The smart ones among us will never allow ourselves to make the same mistakes and expect different results.

When a relationship ends

String Theory Romance

I believe there is someone out there for everyone. More pointedly--someone out there for everyone at each stage in their life. I am not the same as I was 5 years ago, or even one year ago. I am constantly evolving. Constant evolution breeds chain reactions that reach our environment, other people, situations...

Therefore, things shift. Lives re-align.

I also believe that wishes and intentions are powerful. Thoughts are things. I really believe that. So if I keep focusing on what I want, I believe it will happen when and how it's supposed to. In the meantime, I will try to maintain other quality relationships, continue to be productive and be the best person I can be from day to day.

I half suspect an irony to take place--the woman I intend to meet will probably have no affiliation with the 30 some-odd ads I have up on personal sites. I will probably meet her through some unforeseen synchronicity that can only manifest in the most unexpected ways. In line at a grocery store, or through a friend of a friend, or at a party, or she'll rear-end me at an stop sign. (Wouldn't THAT be a great story?)

In String Theory, it's possible to have many universes right next to each other. These parallel universes can hold all the permutations of my existence, alternate paths not taken here, but maybe taken there.. I find that concept fascinating and even comforting in an odd way. Whatever I may feel is missing in the Universe this "me" is in, those voids are filled in the parallel universe the other "me" is in. What if the love I seek is a few feet away, but I can't see it? What if by the sheer force of wishing, I can pull that over into this universe? What if all parallel universes can be shared through the power of thought and wishes?

I am currently working on a novella entitled "Quintessence" which deals with this subject.

String Theory Romance

Being PC Does More Harm Than Good

Political Correctness, I believe is doing more harm than good in this country...I think I agree with Glenn Beck on this matter, if only in part.

His deeper point seems to be that braille on the bathrooms or on a coffee pot for that matter, does not address the real issue, which is rational solutions for accessibility. and we get caught up in whether or not we are hurting someone's feelings, to the exclusion of the larger issue. I agree with Beck in that P.C. can keep us from debating and examining the issues and solving them. The proverbial, not seeing the forest for the trees. Political Correctness can often serve to cloud the issues, rather than solve them. For instance, when i say "Those welfare mothers who continue to use children as pawns for their own sustenance should be booted off the system and made to make their own way more honestly," I get blasted for being insensitive, prejudiced, and perhaps racist. Yet, this issue has profoundly affected our society and has done nothing to solve the real problems created from it. It's not about skin color. It's not about me trying to feel superior. It's about, "here's a problem that needs to be solved, here are behaviors that are counter-productive, and let's make sure everyone has the opportunity to improve themselves, without handing all of it to them on a silver platter so that they don't have to do the work."

In a post under My Two Cents (by panhandler) on one of my other sites, she relates the content of insipid emails from the dull and ignorant on personals sites...and remarks "Can you believe it??"

Unfortunately, yes i can believe it. Happened to me repeatedly, like some recurring rash...still happens. I continue to get those kinds of mails. As you know, it's still another good reason for me to start and maintain this site. I almost see it as a sort of Underground Railroad for chagrined, dispirited lesbians who want more from their lives and their people. I don't want to deal with the kind of mentality revealed in ads/emails like those...associating with those "types" just depresses me. I don't want to encourage them by validating them, of course, but it's not like you can bring any rise to the unleavened, as it were. Political Correctness, then keeps us all from evolving. The truth is the truth.

So...I am an individualist, non-conformist...among other things. I don't enjoy being so schismatic with my identity and the identity of others...but somehow if i don't, i feel i will be sucked into the abyss. And if I'm going to be sucked into the abyss, i want it to be the Bliss Abyss, not the abyss of ignorance. Maybe that's why i have the views i do on what i call Neo-eugenics. (Wrote a paper on that--what a shock).


I suppose all this means I am an Intellectual Separatist. I'm not judging the people, per se, just their behavior, their choices, and the surrounding issues that arise... But it's often so hard to divide a subjective self-concept or cosmology from the objective universal ones. Meaning, some people have certain ideas about themselves, and anything that threatens it is rejected out of hand. They believe what they believe and sometimes can't understand that beliefs are malleable. That evolution is predicated on questions and data-gathering; that what is true now, is not written in stone; and perhaps most importantly, that if you don't educate yourself and make learning your friend, you will be INCAPABLE of understanding the very concepts that might lead to inner peace and happiness. You simply cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Ultimately everyone has to take the reins on their own buggy and guide it where they want it to go.

And then there's that old Prime Directive (from Star Trek)--never interfere with the natural evolution of a species. I think that applies to individuals. We can help when asked or when we think we might be able to LightSwitch someone; we can put our ideas out there and hope they are considered. But ultimately, everyone is on her own path, and what she learns has to be visceral. Ideas will only take you so far. Action is the defining element.

Being PC Does More Harm Than Good

It's Not Paranoia if....

There's always a nut out there who thinks the whole world is out to get them. But as the saying goes, it's not paranoia if they really are after you.

In my recent quest to overhaul my mental, physical, spiritual, emotional health, i have done tons of research, and have come to several disquieting solutions that sound rather paranoid when i say them aloud to anyone else. But i truly believe in these conclusions i have drawn, and for whatever it's worth, i mention them here, in case they strike a cord with someone else who is also searching for a higher quality of life, and a more realistic and thoughtful perspective on what is and isn't true about society and our place in it as evolving beings. These are some conclusions i have come to:

CONCLUSION: The government, i.e., the FDA, are strange and dangerous bedfellows with the pharmaceutical industry, and mainstream medical doctors. It is intuitively counter-productive for an M.D. to heal you, otherwise, his/her job would be in jeopardy. Likewise, the drug industry makes its living off doctors who prescribe their medications. The Food industry needs to keep us eating, so they can maintain their profit margin, so it is in their best interest to put additives in the food that keep us addicted.

CONCLUSION: The Powers-That-Be continue to block the import, development , use and availability of natural substances-- herbs, nutrients--even though these things have been used for thousands of years and have an undeniably impressive track record for allowing our bodies to heal themselves. To wit:: how often does a doctor treat a cause, rather than a symptom? How many billions of dollars have we spent on research to cure disease, and how many of them have we actually cured? Aside from maybe polio, um...can't think of a single one. An interesting side note to that is the mainstream organization that has had the most success with healing cancer patients, has been the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, which incorporates many alternative and natural healing methods along with common treatments....mmmm.

CONCLUSION: Everyone has noticed the disclaimers on drug commercials...they tout the miraculous efficacy of this drug, and then proceed to list the 7 thousand things it can do to you... the rashes, dizziness, insomnia, liver damage, birth defects, and don't forget ANAL LEAKAGE. These "medicines" create more problems than they alleviate. What kind of sense does that make? And why are they advertising to US? There's this crisis with so many Americans who are unable to afford medications, but had they not been brainwashed from square one, perhaps they wouldn't need those medications in the first place. If we, as a society had taken the reins of our own healthcare, we would not be dependent on the government, or corporate interests to ensure our well-being. It's not too late to change all that, but it would mean taking charge and making some decisions. If we simply stop supporting all that subterfuge and misinformation, we'd have a chance. Success is the best revenge.

CONCLUSION: Artificial sweeteners...that's a category unto itself. All the artificial sweeteners were developed ostensibly to help us lose weight, and yet, they are simply another set of toxins that actually make our bodies GAIN weight. In the immortal words of Alanis Morissette, "Isn't it ironic. Don't cha think?" Did you know that aspartame was once listed as a biological weapon by our own government? So is this some sort of slow-moving genocide, now that they endorse it? According to Dr. Joseph Mercola, author of The Total Health Program, "Aspartame accounts for over 75 percent of the adverse reactions to food additives reported to the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Many of these reactions are very serious including seizures and death as recently disclosed in a February 1994 Department of Health and Human Services report.(1) A few of the 90 different documented symptoms listed in the report as being caused by aspartame include: Headaches/migraines, dizziness, seizures, nausea, numbness, muscle spasms, weight gain, rashes, depression, fatigue, irritability, tachycardia, insomnia, vision problems, hearing loss, heart palpitations, breathing difficulties, anxiety attacks, slurred speech, loss of taste, tinnitus, vertigo, memory loss, and joint pain.

According to researchers and physicians studying the adverse effects of aspartame, the following chronic illnesses can be triggered or worsened by ingesting of aspartame:(2) Brain tumors, multiple sclerosis, epilepsy, chronic fatigue syndrome, Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's, mental retardation, lymphoma, birth defects, fibromyalgia, and diabetes.

Aspartame is made up of three chemicals: Aspartic acid, phenylalanine, and methanol. The book, Prescription for Nutritional Healing, by James and Phyllis Balch, lists aspartame under the category of "chemical poison." click here for the full article by Dr. Mercola

This, when a perfectly wonderful natural sweetener called Stevia, a plant indigenous to Paraguay, solves all those problems. This particular plant has been beaten away from the U.S. borders for years, and has only recently been allowed as a supplement, not a food. It's been used for 17 years in Japan alone, with no ill effects. It's 300 times sweeter than sugar in its natural state, helps prevent tooth decay, lowers blood pressure, regulates blood sugar, is safe for diabetics and hypoglycemics, has been shown to be an antibacterial and antiviral agent, as well as an effective skin medicine, and has no calories or carbohydrates. It can be easily grown here (even in a container in your sunniest room--which i am going to start doing when the seasons change).

CONCLUSION: A man from an oil family, who is in the highest position of power, is not likely to make decisions based on the greater good of the people, but rather the greater good of his pocketbook, if this family income resource is threatened.

CONCLUSION: A man who has failed at every business venture he's ever undertaken, could not possibly have acquired the highest office in the land without the benefit of dishonesty, deck-stacking, cheating, and a good-ole-boy network to manipulate the polling machines...(did you know that his FRIENDS own most of those machines?) And for the first time in electoral history, the exit polls simply didn't match the actual tallies. Now, why would someone lie about who they voted for? Maybe they would if they had been held at gunpoint by republican terrorists....but there was no mention of this in the often slanted and incorrect news media....This cheating is the only explanation... Otherwise, the majority of those who went to the polls are total idiots, and i still hold out some hope that this statistic is yet to be a reality. When people complain that their vote doesn't count, they were wrong. It's really that it doesn't GET COUNTED.

CONCLUSION: A man who bases an entire war on the presence of WMD's, and is proven wrong, should learn his lesson and cut his losses. Instead, he maintains the lie, and then is incapable of providing help to his own at home when something like, say, a DEVASTATING HURRICANE wipes out several major cities and renders hundreds homeless or DEAD. Could the lack of government response be because ALL OUR MILITARY WAS FIGHTING FOR ANOTHER COUNTRY'S people? How humiliating, yet at the same time endearing, touching and encouraging, that civilians, celebrities, and other are the ones who provided help to coastal hurricane victims. My best friend, her partner and their daughter were among the ones affected; they lived in Gulfport. They live here, now, and are lucky they had this place to come to, but many others were not so lucky, and it didn't have to be as bad as it was. I mean, it's not like this was an unnoticed ASTEROID that plummeted to the Gulf Coast. There was plenty of warning (even though much of it was under-reported by the media). All this HOMELAND SECURITY stuff is just a big joke. Does the Administration-From-Hell not realize that a deadly hurricane falls under the purview of Homeland Security? (I'm glad i moved here from Gulfport myself a few years ago. If i had been caught in Katrina, i would likely be dead by now, since i depend on thyroid medication. If i had been there, and lost those meds, i would have fallen into a coma. Might be a moot point, though, because i would have evacuated).

CONCLUSION: Most ironic song, considering recent events: "I'm Walking on Sunshine" by KATRINA AND THE WAVES

CONCLUSION: Most people who have children possess abhorrent, retarded, ineffective, non-existent and damaging Parenting Skills. It's time to stop blaming it on the "bad seed theory" and roll up sleeves and start taking parenting as what it is::the most important job in the world.

CONCLUSION: If someone on an Online personals/dating site doesn't have, or won't send you a picture, it's because they are either obese, ugly, not who they say they are, or all three.

CONCLUSION: our entertainment media, most notably the movie industry, has been reduced to the repetition of several themes that are repeated ad nauseum and only serve to engender feelings of fear, anger, disgust, and a front row seat to the underbelly of humanity. Try to find a movie that is not about the following:
...serial killers...murder in general...the mafia...violence in general...drug addiction...alcoholism...violence against children....or the inane behavior of puerile adults who never grew up.

The news media is also guilty of this. I can't believe that there's nothing good to say on a newscast. Wonderful things happen all he time. Good people do good things, and there is still laughter and hope out there. Why don't we see it? The Media is supposed to be a reflection of who we are as a society. If this is true, then the mirror is filthy and it needs to be taken down and replaced with a new mirror.

Not only that, but it seems that every time i try to find alternatives on "other" channels, i am met with an equally limited choice of programs. I remember a time when i could always find something enlightening, entertaining, interesting, on TLC, the Discovery Channel, The History Channel. Now, all i have to choose from is Various depictions of the horrors of the Holocaust, weapons of mass destruction, Real Sex, American Chopper, Monster House, Monster Garage, contests that involve the debasing of humans by the imbibing of insects, feces, raw carcasses; or the communion with snakes, spiders, dung beetles, scorpions, etc. Must i be reduced to watching the Food Network or Home Shopping to get away from it? That can make you fat and broke. The only relief i get is Comedy Central and HBO Comedy, who offer Jon Stewart's Daily Show, and Stand-up Comedy, and Bill Maher.

Be all that as it may, i don't live as a jaded person, rather i live as an informed, self-actualized and proactive person. I may not attend rallies, or lead grassroots attacks on the Establishment, but in my corner of the world, i incite change. I've begun the process of growing my own food, using only natural cleaners, researching and creating Neuro-linguistic Programming CD's that allow my own mind to dictate my health and well-being, and finding natural alternatives for almost every area of my life that once depended on the mindless lemming-esque Red Rover game that ends with me falling over the precipice.

PERTINENT LINKS
Hurricane Katrina and the Bush Administration
"We had to kill our patients."
Testimony of Representative Bernard Sanders Before the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation
The Medical System is the leading cause of death and injury in the U.S.
How To Take The Drug Industry Down Nine Notches
The FDA and Stevia
Laws of the Pharmaceutical Industry
Drug Industry Lies About New Drug Research and Development
Positive Parenting
Practical Hippie

It's Not Paranoia if....

Relationships: Dealing with Psych Issues

I have always been interested in the subject/discipline/pseudo-science of psychology.

I have been through my own dark nights of the soul. I have had various diagnoses for conditions caused by biology, physiology, environment, upbringing, life challenges and issues...most of us have. But in going through all of these, i made a concerted effort to understand myself, the effect that various experiences had on me as an individual, and I explored every possibility and option for healing myself, without allowing myself to entirely fall prey to the victim mentality that i was completely helpless.

I have also known many people who struggled with various psychological issues, and I have endeavored to understand them as well, as someone on the outside, looking in. Frankly, I think that mental and emotional instability is more prevalent in our society than ever before. Part of that, I believe, is the nature of our society--what our society has become in response to technological growth, the nature of being in a "global village," and all the demands of life that seem more and more urgent and taxing.

I have been asked for advice many times about how to deal with people who are behaving in a certain way that is damaging to themselves, their relationships or to other people. This is because I have made no secret of my experiences in that regard, and I am happy to provide insight whenever asked. I have been on both sides of that coin. While I don't have all the answers, i do believe i have a few. With that in mind, I want to share a couple of situations that seem to arise the most.

• If you find yourself dealing with someone who is unstable, and you suspect they might have some kind of disorder-- whether personality disorder or some other organic brain issue--be aware that you should mention it, but that timing is crucial.

Let's say you are in a new sexual relationship, and your partner is manifesting some odd psychological symptoms. You want to mention it, talk about it, offer a suggestion that they talk to their doctor about it-- whatever the case may be. One caveat is this: don't EVER bring it up while that person is "Triggering" (manifesting those symptoms and in a negative state of some kind). They will be incapable of processing the information in a healthy way. The best time to bring this up is AFTER you have had sex, and she has had an orgasm.


(for real, i mean it).

The reason is, her positive/euphoric brain chemicals (neurotransmitters and neuropeptides, mostly) will be flooding her brain--dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, norepinephrine, epinephrine--some of them, the same chemicals that are normally unbalanced. She will be much more likely to be receptive to a difficult subject. (If she responds with resistance, saying you are ruining her good moment, or the like, then just know that you probably have no other recourse, as she must meet you halfway in order to make any positive changes. You have then made an effort to do the right thing, and you can walk away with no regrets, or should-haves lingering in your mind).

Also, DON'T have this conversation in BED. Suggest the two of you go into the living room, have a glass of wine, and talk on the sofa.

The reason for this is, you don't want to create a contradictory or negative association between love/sex and pain/discomfort. Creating this negative association can adversely affect the sense of comfort, safety and pleasure that should reside in the bed.


Also be aware that if this person is unwilling to seek help, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do. Improvement only follows their own ability to be proactive and help themselves.

• Often, the negative behaviors of people are predicated on their own damage. If someone is treating you with disregard, is being abusive, disrupting your stability, being insensitive, passive aggressive or otherwise becoming a toxic element in your life, you have the right and the responsibility to demand better. This usually means walking away from that person, and never looking back. You truly do teach people how to treat you, and if you allow mistreatment, it's the same as telling them it's okay to treat you badly.

• If you are dealing with some kind of disorder yourself, then know that no matter what others may tell you--professionals and laymen alike--you DO have the power to turn it around, and create at least a portion of the life you would like to have. Hiding it will never be an effective means of dealing with it. Sooner or later, you will not be able to maintain consistency and the truth will emerge, and is likely to damage anything positive you might have created up to that point.

We are all struggling. We are here to learn and evolve. If at any time we cease to do that, we are merely going through the motions, and not really living at all. The human mind is a fascinating, and as yet, largely uncharted mechanism. What we do know about it is incredibly inspiring, interesting and helpful. What we don't know is the promise of a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the Universe and on this particular time-space continuum. Don't think for a moment that everyone else but you is stable and healthy. We all have our issues. The only difference is in how we choose to deal with them. That's the distinction that can create a life of pain, strife and conflict, or a life of joy, love and happiness.


Namasté,
Jae

Relationships: Dealing with Psych Issues

Desperation Barrel

Take one part sexual frustration, two parts loneliness, three parts overwhelming need to be needed and wanted, add an overzealous good-timer and beer, stir vigorously. Simmer well in a bed of cotton sheets, and you have a recipe for disaster.

When one hits the bottom of the Desperation Barrel, there is always someone down there.

Sometimes we make ill-advised choices based on the ingredients we allow ourselves to stock. While we might not be proud of these one night stands that last months or years, we must appreciate the educational value of such an excursion. If we learn our lessons well, we will be loathe to cook that dish again.

Desperation Barrel