My friend Georgie said, "I thought about you in HEB the other night -- shopping with you. Made myself giggle."
"Oh I'm sure we'd get kicked out of a store."
"Just a little kick."
"No, banished."
"
Why?"
"Because I tend to steal other people's shopping carts, after they've filled them up and then I argue with them--that they haven't paid for it yet, it's not theirs, and I like it, so I'm taking it."
She's laughing.
"But I haven't done that in a long time," I added.
"I'm gonna have to wear some Depends," Georgie said.
"Yeah! Maybe I'll steal a cart with those in it...although, I don't usually terrorize old people, or the incontinent."
"Stop! I almost choked--"
Now I'm laughing at her.
She started name-calling: "REtard." And then, provided a visual: "Cottage cheese curds sweeping down my wind pipe..."
"Well you've got to get your calcium somehow."
Shopping for Banishment
Myself and two friends are all fired up about getting our bodies back in shape. We're realizing, that just as all the sages warned, we aren't getting any younger. (dammit). I'm also going organic and making all my personal care and household products, but that's another blog...
Anyway, so the three of us are doing the 
6x30 routine on a Gazelle. That was the invention of my friend, Justi, who began to work out on the Gazelle six times per day for 30 minutes, and has seen fantastic results. Now, not everyone works at home and can do this, but it just so happens that me and Georgie have that kind of access all day, just like Justi does. So we're doing it too, because Justi has lost 12 pounds in 7 days. And she feels wonderful, and is also hiking all over the place. She just told me she's going to do a 4.7 mile run event, and she's all jacked up about it...
She said, "I wish you could do it too."
"I don't know about a run. Do they have a 'Bitch and Stumble' event?
(laughter)
"...or a '200 Yard Whine.' Now THAT, I can do," I said.
She showed me the website about the event and enthused: "Doesn't that look like fun?"
"Um, no."
"You wouldn't like to do that?"
"Only if we were invaded by a foreign army who hated gay people," I said, "and I were being chased by Muslim Nazi's."
Laughter. "Oh, and in that case, it would be fun."
"No," I said. "in that case, it would be necessary."
Always game for exploring the labyrinths of the human psyche, she countered, "What if someone gave you a thousand dollars, just to finish the course?"
I thought for a moment. "I'd do it then, yeah."
"So you are motivated by money."
"Yeah, I can see how that's a stark contrast to everyone else in the world."
The Bitch & Stumble
Why?"
