D. and I had dinner with two of my old high school friends, Wendy and Bud, whom I hadn't seen in (coughing mumble) 30 years. We'd reconnected on Facebook a year or two ago and had kept in touch since then. It felt oddly surreal on the way to see them, and yet was perfectly comfortable once we got there. It had me thinking about how time passes, and after a while, I can scarcely believe I've been on the planet this long. But to see two people whom i recall as high school sweethearts, and who had managed to not only stay married all that time, but seemed genuinely happy together--it renewed my hope for my own new relationship. I guess i can only wish I had started it 30 years ago as well.
As we said our farewells, and were leaving Old Chicago, D. and I were approached by two young men. One said "Do you have any extra food we can have?" They were both bedraggled, dirty, wearing old backpacks, and they did look hungry. While i was thinking about it, D. just handed them our leftovers. They thanked us profusely, and started walking ahead of us, while opening the Styrofoam containers...exclaiming. "Oh, wow! are these Calzones?" D. said yes. They began eating voraciously while they walked ahead of us, saying thank-you through the food in their mouths.
"They didn't ask for money," she said. "They asked for food. I'll always give food to anyone like that who asks. Hell, I'll tell them to follow me down to Burger King, and I'll buy them a meal, if I don't have one in my hand like this time." It was a good point. One which took me a little too long to decipher. But it's that simple. There are many panhandlers on our city streets who have a home and plenty of income, but they go out and beg for money, telling lies and tugging on heartstrings to get what they want. I've never understood that, but it has made me jaded in those situations. Too jaded, perhaps, to discern the situation we were in for what it was. There are STILL those on the streets who really need help. And it's an easy thing to give it to them with gestures just like the one my partner made. I felt my eyes well with tears. Partly for compassion that they were obviously in a bad situation and hungry, and partly because my partner had just demonstrated the quality of her heart.
And I thought about how our lives are so tenuous, fortune so often fickle. I thought of how lucky I was to have met her. And again lamented that it took this long to find my life partner. But then, who knows if we would have been enough of who we are now to be compatible then? And if i start wishing for things to have been different, I run the risk that they would have have been the kind of different that would have led me so far away from her life trajectory, that we simply could not have met at all.
And i recalled my own dark days when i was living in my van,1 in pain and crippled and feeling like the whole world had turned its back on me--often wondering if I was going to have anything to eat, and being humiliated by my situation repeatedly, hating people in general and always assuming everyone sucked. But those boys on the street--I had no way of knowing their story. They might have been escaping from an abusive home, the only way they knew how. I also had a story back then, didn't I? But very few knew what that story was, nor cared to hear it. I recalled how it made me feel. And I was so proud of D. for handing those boys that food. I only wish I had not hesitated to do the same. My experience with the disappointments of the world, and the people in it, had made me resistant to a compassion that should always be part of who I am. I then felt the urge to go buy a bunch of Happy Meals and start handing them out to boys like that.So last night I had a Happy Meal with old friends and a new love, and watched two hungry boys have their own Happy Meal, but one begged from strangers as leftovers, and not sitting down at a table with the rest of us. The world needs more of the former and less of the latter.
------------------------------------------1 I had the opportunity to write and publish my memoir about this time in my life-available in the next few weeks from Amazon. "Falling Through the Cracks: The Misadventures of No One Famous." see http://jaebaeli.com
