I Would Have Done Yadda Yadda

In our getting-to-know-you phase, we often come across instances or people in general who flounder about and have no idea how to please us. Then when it comes up later, and they say "Well, what did you want me to do?"

And you say, "I wanted you to do yadda yadda."

"Well, if you had just told me I should have done yadda yadda, I would have," they respond.

Now, when you were in school and you took an exam, and then turned it in, you might have marked a wrong answer. But you don't tell the teacher, "Hey, i'd be happy to put the right one on there, now that I know."

She is not going to let you do that, because you should have known the answer to begin with, and if you didn't you simply got it wrong. Period. You didn't know the subject well enough.

Consider your partner/significant other/spouse as a subject that you must study and learn and internalize, so that most of the time you make high marks. But whatever you do, don't complain that you would have done better, had they given you the right answers.

That's cheating.

I Would Have Done Yadda Yadda

"Don't You DARE say I'm Unique!"

First, let me just do a disclaimer here....I can't profess to know someone i don't know...i can only look at the data i have and make an informed assessment....that's what i'm about to do, but know that i realize i could be completely wrong....i am using this person as an example to get to greater meanings.....i do that a lot. Real examples are always so much better than the hypothetical ones...

Okay....In my account on experienceproject.com, i created a group/interest that directs everyone to Atypical Lesbians forum, should they be interested. I explained, using the description on the home page, primarily, and left a link.

The next day, I got this comment on the post:

Gothgrrl said :
"doesn't that sound a bit discriminating? who said that typical lesbians are not intelligent, witty, loyal or educated??"

I ANSWERED:

Gothgrrrl, the dictionary defines "typical" thus:

1. exhibiting the qualities or characteristics that identify a group or kind or category; "a typical American girl"; "a typical suburban community"; "the typical car owner drives 10,000 miles a year"; "a painting typical of the Impressionist school"; "a typical romantic poem"; "a typical case of arteritis" [ant: atypical]<<<<<<

2. of a feature that helps to distinguish a person or thing; "Jerusalem has a distinctive Middle East flavor"- Curtis Wilkie; "that is typical of you!" [syn: distinctive]
3. conforming to a type; "the typical (or normal) American"; "typical teenage behavior"

I have discovered over many years that typical lesbians do not care about certain things, and they behave and think in certain ways that are common to lesbians in general. I had a hard time finding those who were not like that and had other qualities. Hence, ATYPICAL.

I think that being politically correct all the time about everything has a way of stifling communication among ALL people. WE are too afraid to say things for fear of stepping on toes, and so things don't get discussed and issues don't get resolved. Furthermore, why would you denigrate or discourage a group whose goal is to aspire to the best in themselves in all ways?

This is my opinion, and Atypical Lesbians is my project. IF you don't resonate with it, then you wouldn't be comfortable there. However, since you've never found out about it, taken part or had a discussion about it with me or any other member, you are not qualified to make your judgment.

Thank you for your comment, and i wish you all good things.


December 30th, 2007 at 06:13PM
Oh, and Goth--one more thing. I never said that typical lesbians weren't all those things. I said that ATYPICALS were, plus they were other things too. It's a combination. And you took it out of context for your own purpose, whatever that might be.



Now, i am sharing the above posts because i feel it is a good example of something quite common that is at the crux of why my site, Atypical Lesbians is needed. There will always be some people who know--even if only on some subconscious level-- that they are not reaching or striving for their potential, and so they must justify this in various ways, one of which is by attacking those who do strive toward their potential.

I wanted some perspective on her, so i went to her page/profile... one thing that popped out was, Gothgrrrl filled in her HEALTH CONCERNS AS:
Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic Disorder, OCD, Avoidant, Social Anxiety, Depression (nice cocktail, but mostly BPD)

I can see why she was diagnosed this way--her behavior exemplifies it in SPADES.

Further, she also has a group of "Experiences & Interests" Icons complete with labels:
[img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/JAEBAE%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-5.jpg[/img]

Have Borderline Personality Disorder	Still Love My Ex	Have a Boyfriend But Want Someone Else	Want to Be Fearless
Have Anxiety Attacks	Am Terrified of Commitment	Am In Therapy	Study History

She is announcing to the world everything about herself that is broken....I saw nothing positive in her list, did you? Just on the surface, by looking at this list, one can make an assessment about her, that she is allowing herself to be a victim, has a hard time letting go, wants what she feels she can't have, is not honest with herself or others sometimes, allows fear to be the foundation of her existence, needs something to blame things on, doesn't know what she wants and is afraid of it if she does, cannot deal with change--is not adaptable....i could go on and on...it's not that hard to figure out, just by looking at her list.

Obviously, she struggles quite a bit with coping. Someone with that many diagnoses is PATENTLY lacking in coping skills. Believe me, i am not dismissing or condescending to those with chemical imbalances and organic mental illness....I believe there is a difference, here, that is worth noting, which often gets blurred by humanity's own garbage: brain injury, chemical imbalance and organic brain illness are not what i am addressing here...i am addressing those conditions, disorders or imbalances that stem from a human's own creation, starting with the coping mechanisms created to deal with something.

Back to my bug under the glass...Gothgrrrl--the fact that she announced all that on her page, means that she embraces it as her identity. She allows it to have complete power over her. It's almost like being mentally ill is her religion, and the illness itself is her god. All things are referenced back to this NutGod. Things that cannot be explained, things she doesn't want to deal with. If she can shift it there, she doesn't have to look at it or do anything to make it better.

Further, I also believe that many of the names the psychological intelligentsia gives to disorders would be better stated as COPING MECHANISMS, not Personality Disorders... A disorder of personality has an antecedent...that, being the inability to cope in a healthy way.

I think that probably most of the things we call personality disorders is merely a manifestation of an inability to cope with something in a healthy way. I think these things can be conquered, notwithstanding the true chemical imbalances and organic brain conditions that also exist... I can say these things from experience.

I was diagnosed over the years with many different things...to the point where i thought i was just this broken, fucked up individual. It's enough to make you want to kill yourself....oh...see the correlation? That's not very helpful, is it? Well, once i took responsibility for all that and began to do the self-work, avoid the therapy where i just masturbated the sickness, things began to change. Those symptoms of these disorders went away. wow. it was a miracle. NO. IT WAS HARD WORK and it was SELF UNDERSTANDING and it was SELF-RESPONSIBILITY.

The amusing/paradoxical/telling thing is that Gothgrrrl also identified strongly as someone who studies HISTORY. Not her OWN, ironically....isn't that interesting? Someone will choose an identity marker of one who studies things in the past, when they are crippled by their present because they can't study their own history?

Okay. I'll stop here. I hope this gives some food for thought, and i welcome any insights from any of you, even if you are chicken to post it here under comments....

"Don't You DARE say I'm Unique!"

Parenting: Yeah, Uh-Huh

It is more excusable to me that bad parenting existed a generation ago. Back then, there was no internet, no Dr. Spock or Wayne Dyer, no mountain of research from all corners of academia. The only touchstone parents had to go by was the example set by their own parents, and so on, back to the beginnings of child-rearing. Hopefully, we learn from the mistakes of our parents, but I suppose this doesn't happen, if you're never aware that mistakes were made.

These days, though, there is simply no excuse for bad parenting. Too much information is available to anyone who wishes to raise a child into a quality adult. Those old chestnuts, "If it was good enough for Mama, it's good enough for me" and "My Daddy beat my ass all the time, and I turned out all right" don't wash. For one thing, who decides what "Turning out all right" means? To wit:

You hit your kids; you humiliate them; you ignore them when they try to engage you; you place your needs before theirs; you don't care how they're doing academically, emotionally, spiritually or intellectually; you respond to their questions with irritation and impatience, you make no effort to better yourself or set an example; you give them no moral compass to emulate; you own only a hammer, so all problems look like nails.

But you turned out all right. Yeah. Uh-huh.

I think universities should offer entire programs in parenting. And I think the government should give tax breaks to parents-to-be who take specialized parenting classes.

And I think that ultimately, some people should just not breed.

Parenting: Yeah, Uh-Huh