Shoes

It all happened so fast.

Since moving in with my girlfriend 6 weeks ago, my cat Shoes had a hard time adjusting. I figured she was used to being the matriarch. She had always been sweet and even- tempered. I couldn't figure out why she seemed so unhappy. She even began to growl and hiss at me and the other two cats of mine, who were like siblings to her. She had been the mommy cat to them since i got them both when they were kittens. 

Then four days ago, she began to howl when i picked her up and she just wasn't acting normally, even for a stressed cat in a new situation.


After two days she was vomiting several times a day, and I could tell she had not been eating or drinking, and she still behaved as though she was in pain. D and I took her to the vet on the 18th, and they took X-rays which showed some inflammation on one side and a small calcification, but nothing else. We took her back home with antibiotics and pain meds and hoped she'd get better.


There was no change this morning, so we took her back to the vet. They ran blood tests and the results showed that she was in kidney failure. The vet said that they could act on a treatment plan, but she would have a 50/50 chance of survival. The bill for that would have been around $1100, with little hope she would recover fully or at all. (We had already spent $600). If she did survive, she would need special care from then on, and would be in pain, and might die of malnutrition since she'd probably not eat or drink anything.


I knew I could not come up with another $1100. But the deciding factor was that she would not have any quality of life and would be miserable. To allow that would just make me selfish, because I was the one who couldn't let go. I discussed this with D. and she agreed with my decision.

So they gave her the sedative and I stroked her and whispered to her that I loved her, until she fell asleep, and then we walked away, before they gave her the shots that would end her life. I could not be there for that. I did not want that to be my last memory of her. I just wanted her to know I was there until she drifted into sleep. I know she was not aware of what was happening. But I was. It was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make, and I will miss her so much.


I love you, Shoes.

Shoes