I always try to take the high road. But when people mush your face into the mud of the low road, you have to work with what you've got.
What am i talking about? I'm talking about relationships with people. History is replete with jokes about them. But we often joke about the things that are the most painful. It's how human beings reframe and share that commonality of the human condition.
What am i talking about? I'm talking about relationships with people. History is replete with jokes about them. But we often joke about the things that are the most painful. It's how human beings reframe and share that commonality of the human condition.
I am "forcing" the mother (her belief) to move out of her daughter's house and get her own place. Just like they decided a long time ago before i came on the scene; just as she should do, unless she expects her daughter to keep her life on hold after having 15 years of a rotten relationship before, and unless she expects that D. doesn't deserve to be happy; and unless she expects to live 
with her daughter for the rest of her life for fear that she might have to take care of herself and spend time alone...perhaps she's afraid she won't like the company. I don't.
And there's even one "friend" in the bunch who has betrayed my partner--also apparently because of me. (If I were only a tiny bit more insecure, i would think that i was some kind of unwitting monster. But i know better). Now, while i find this threat-stance absurd, since a partner never can take the place of a mother or a friend or a sister, absurdity cannot make way for reason in their minds. The irony is that people do all kinds of things to avoid the things they fear most, and those things can often lead them head-on into the very results they seek to avoid.
All i know is, i find it reprehensible that a group of people who profess to love D. are
doing everything in their power to destroy her life. The stress this has caused us both has resulted in fighting, sleepless nights,and sleeping nights filled with nightmares; it has caused D. to leave the only job she felt she was perfect for; it has caused trips to the doctor for medication she's never had to take in her life; it's triggered every fear, every insecurity, every pain, and every ounce of anger I have ever possessed, and it's done it all at once and in spades.
And all because being petty and selfish and shallow is more important than having integrity, character and love.
For a while, there was not even a tiny part of me that was open to reconciliation. It would take a great deal of sincerity and heartfelt apologies, the sort that come from personal epiphany and evolution. Now, there is a tiny part, but i think only because I find it so sad for D. that she has been dragged behind this horse for so long, and for no reason that makes any sense. I know what it's like to have a family betray you, and that kind of pain never completely goes away. The larger part of me, however, hopes that they have this sort of pain visited on them, and they learn, viscerally, what it's like to have that kind of injury inflicted on them. Only then will they appreciate what they have done. The damage they have caused. And only then, can they ever hope to make it right again. I hope, for my partner's sake, they do make it right. But until then, we must behave as though they don't exist. Acknowledging that this kind of selfish cruelty exists--and in your family--is just too painful to consider for longer than a nano-second.
with her daughter for the rest of her life for fear that she might have to take care of herself and spend time alone...perhaps she's afraid she won't like the company. I don't. And there's even one "friend" in the bunch who has betrayed my partner--also apparently because of me. (If I were only a tiny bit more insecure, i would think that i was some kind of unwitting monster. But i know better). Now, while i find this threat-stance absurd, since a partner never can take the place of a mother or a friend or a sister, absurdity cannot make way for reason in their minds. The irony is that people do all kinds of things to avoid the things they fear most, and those things can often lead them head-on into the very results they seek to avoid.
All i know is, i find it reprehensible that a group of people who profess to love D. are
doing everything in their power to destroy her life. The stress this has caused us both has resulted in fighting, sleepless nights,and sleeping nights filled with nightmares; it has caused D. to leave the only job she felt she was perfect for; it has caused trips to the doctor for medication she's never had to take in her life; it's triggered every fear, every insecurity, every pain, and every ounce of anger I have ever possessed, and it's done it all at once and in spades. And all because being petty and selfish and shallow is more important than having integrity, character and love.
For a while, there was not even a tiny part of me that was open to reconciliation. It would take a great deal of sincerity and heartfelt apologies, the sort that come from personal epiphany and evolution. Now, there is a tiny part, but i think only because I find it so sad for D. that she has been dragged behind this horse for so long, and for no reason that makes any sense. I know what it's like to have a family betray you, and that kind of pain never completely goes away. The larger part of me, however, hopes that they have this sort of pain visited on them, and they learn, viscerally, what it's like to have that kind of injury inflicted on them. Only then will they appreciate what they have done. The damage they have caused. And only then, can they ever hope to make it right again. I hope, for my partner's sake, they do make it right. But until then, we must behave as though they don't exist. Acknowledging that this kind of selfish cruelty exists--and in your family--is just too painful to consider for longer than a nano-second.
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