Aversions

There are these idiosyncratic behaviors that we all have--one category of which is what I would call "aversions." I have them, and I understand where some of them came from and some are just mysterious. The dictionary defines aversion as a feeling of repugnance toward something with a desire to avoid or turn from it.

Some of mine are:

Touching the toilet seat to lift it up. That's why I always have one of those fuzzy covers on it. I will touch that.

Walking on hard floors with my bare feet. So i have tender baby feet. And i just can't stand the thought of them being dirty, either. Socks are just as bad if you have hard wood or other hard surface floors.

Dirty or stained teeth. Really. There's not excuse for this. There are a slew of products we can carry in our pockets that take care of this even when you're away from home.

Physical obstacles. --As in things in my environment that keep me from moving freely, functioning smoothly.


My sleep-pant legs pulling up. I think this is largely due to my aversion to unshaven legs rubbing together. I fail to shave everyday to keep them smooth, so this issue is inevitable. I still search for cuffed sleep pants that are as comfy as those Hanes ones I buy in the men's department.



Leftovers. I just think variety is the spice of life and at my age, i find that i am more and more bored with food. That's why restaurants like the Golden Corral are so attractive to me. I can choose among a hundred different things.

Family. --as I have never had a good experience with any family.

Filthy kitchen or bathroom. Nothing repulses me faster than visiting someone's home, only to find that their kitchen and/or bathroom looks like it is better suited for a crack house...

Calling customer service. Is it just me, or has customer service become an oxymoron in today's society? I hate the rudeness, the endless automated menus, and getting disconnected, only to have to start from the beginning again. I will avoid these phone calls like a flesh eating bacteria. I'd sooner perform an appendectomy on myself with a spoon.

Ball caps on women. Not every woman can pull it off without looking butch. I like my women to look like girls. Maybe it's because i lived in South so long and had to see all the Dykes wearing them, with their extra 80 pounds, short hair, and man-clothes. These types probably walk barefoot on the floor, have dirty bathrooms and kitchens, and no toilet seat cover.

Aversions

I Warned You About Protective Head Cover.

In response to a recent blog, (Ditto) a friend of mine mentioned that maybe the person I wrote about would not ever try to communicate with me about the situation, for fear it might end up in another blog. But I only write about people that way if they have been moved to the negative column, so her argument dissolves at the start. Had this person accepted the many opportunities to communicate with me, the blog would not have been written. She chose not to.

As I said in that blog:

"There's an upside to this vocation that offers some solace that others might not have. Frequently, when we are hurt, we have no where to put those feelings, no way to get it out of our systems....witness the lock-and-load folks who suddenly snap and shoot up a McDonald's. While I understand HOW that can happen with certain psyches, I am not one of those people who tick...but this does not mean I don't get angry, disillusioned, and have a quick pity party every so often. I'm human, and I embrace my human condition. But I have no wish to wallow in that type of mud. So, when someone really pisses me off, I write about them. They might appear in one of my novels, where I can reveal their ugly underpinnings...or I might simply write a blog like this one. This is a type of revenge, however paltry. And it makes me feel better."

I only write blogs like that about people who have in some way treated me with blatant disrespect, deceived me deliberately, or caused me injury, and did not soon thereafter re-open discussion about it, or backtrack and apologize. I can accept a sincere apology when someone takes responsibility for themselves and their actions. I've said and done things which, upon thoughtful consideration, I regretted. When this is realized, I immediately contact the person I might have wronged and offer an explanation and an apology. So there's that.

And there's this: Before I bury any bones, I examine them first, so that maybe there will be one less funeral next time. There is valuable information to be had in the marrow.

I was also told that this person I wrote the blog about contacted a friend of mine and said she and I "had a misunderstanding" and she "didn't know how to undo it" but that she "really wanted to be part of the Hen Party."

Let me get this straight. The person who mistreated me did not call, text, or email to offer her apology or open a dialogue, but she contacts a friend of mine, dismisses the issue and then announces she wants to be involved IN MY SOCIAL GATHERING. Not, "I think there was a misunderstanding and I feel awful about it...and as her friend, I was hoping you could give me some insight, so I can talk to her..." or anything of the sort. Just that she wanted to be involved in MY social gathering. How did she think that was going to go down with me sitting at the same table with her? Am I the only one with the stones to say, "Excuse me, there's an elephant in the room." And how much more does this make her appear every bit a COWARD?

So, I don't feel guilty for posting a detailed blog about the experience. I did not give her name, nor post her picture; and what about the odds against anyone reading it who would know her? There are millions of blogs. According to Technorati, there are 50 MILLION of them, and that number doubles every six months*. The truth is, the discomfort of seeing a blog by me, about her, comes from being exposed to HERSELF, not from the fear someone else might see it.

So, when I am treated rudely on THE FIRST DATE, I can't for a second believe that any others will be better. Ostensibly, we are on our best behavior on a first date. I admitted that I was not quite myself on the date, as I was exhausted, and afflicted with several other conditions, physiologically. These combined, rendered me less than 100%, which I explained as well as I could to her and apologized for. But at no time was I rude to her. What was her excuse? If this was her best, I don't want to know how much worse it would have been. She offered no apology, no discussion, and no open dialogue about her behavior, and this was subsequently compounded by various acts of selfishness and cowardice. Those people go into my negative column, and become another bug under a glass for me. At that juncture, they are a specimen which I will examine closely, and record my thoughts about, so that I might learn to recognize that species next time, and avoid engaging it. I intend to get something out of each unpleasant experience, even if it's just information about human nature. If someone is behaving badly, I don't see how they can call me out for being INCONSIDERATE by shining light on that behavior. Maybe if more people thought that the way they treated other people, or the way they behaved in general, might be scrutinized and published, they'd correct that behavior. If you don't want to be called into responsibility for your abhorrent behavior, don't behave abhorrently. Call it negative reinforcement.

On the left hand side of this blog, under my photo, I said "Wear a helmet" didn't I?

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*http://www.cyberjournalist.net/news/003674.php

I Warned You About Protective Head Cover.

Canine PTSD?

He has begun to have bladder control problems. He goes through phases when he begins to shake, and whine for no apparent reason. He has, for the second time, exhibited a sort of PTSD response to normal stimuli. When we were at the other house a few months ago, he had this response to LS on the porch, when she had removed her boots, and smacked them together to knock off dried mud. He yelped, screamed and ran under the furniture, he was shaking uncontrollably.

When i would get near him, he would suddenly yelp as if i had kicked him in the ribs, and i hadn't touched him. He would no longer raise up to put his feet on me, as he has always done, as if his "up button" was malfunctioning. He acted like he could no longer jump into our laps while sitting, either, and if we tried to pick him up he would scream. This lasted for about 3 days, and nothing helped. He was not physically injured in any way, so this was very much like PTSD response to some past trauma--triggered by something unknown.

Now, months later, he had about a 24 hour bout with the same thing, and i just ignored it. And now, i catch him sitting and staring at a dresser or a chair or a wall, as if in a trance. When i tell him to go lay down, he moves to another object and stares at it--almost in a posture of punishment, like when you reprimand a child and tell them to go face a corner. He seems fraught with anxiety and fears. He will whine and grumble while he stares, sometimes, like he's having disturbing thoughts.

He seems fearful of his food bowl, of the kitchen floor, of grass, of trash bags, of anything in my hand, of the doorbell, or any other people in the house. He no longer runs fearlessly outside to the yard to relieve himself, but has to be cajoled, or dragged into going. He hides beneath beds and furniture.

While often comical to witness, it is at the same time disturbing. LS says, "He's crazy. That dog is just crazy." But he didn't always act like this. I assume it's possible for animals to have mental illness, just like humans do. But what brings this on? I've tried reprimands, gentle understanding, ignoring him...but nothing seems to help. He just acts like a crazy person.

Canine PTSD?

Behavior 101: A Conundrum

Interpersonal relations. This phrase makes me squint with dread. It used to be something I read in a college communications textbook. Now it is a viable, living, breathing Grendel with very sharp fangs.

Take a situation wherein a group of individuals share a common goal, and fling themselves into the attainment of the goal. They will then, inevitably, have to accept the repercussions and peripheral issues that evolve when there is a group dynamic.

"Okay, if I’m behaving in a way that embarrasses you or causes you discomfort or pain, I guess you should just pull me aside and let me know that."

"Maybe. But how do you know that discomfort is your own issue and not mine? How do you know if maybe it’s your need to control my behavior instead of an effort to help me as a friend to grow as a person?"

"I don’t know."

"Where’s the line between your expectations and my right to be who I am in any given situation?"

"I don’t know. But what sort of friend would I be if I didn’t tell you things people say to me about you?"

"Maybe in some cases, I don’t care what they think about me. If these people feel so incompatible with me, why do they continue to hang around and put up with all my grief?"

"Maybe because of the situation--I mean, maybe they have a responsibility to stay in the situation and you’re just part of the package. If that’s true, then don’t you have a responsibility to do your best to be a person who at least makes an effort to be good-natured?"

"I don’t know...maybe I do. But at what point does this effort to keep things amicable, compromise my right to free expression?"

"I don’t know."

"If my behavior is objectionable to these people, why don’t they just come to me and say so?"

"Because they’re afraid of you. Afraid of your reaction."

"My reaction is beside the point in this case. My reaction is my responsibility, yes. And I have an obligation to be mindful of my interaction with others, but I cannot be blamed for their fear, and the way that fear feeds into their reluctance to do what needs to be done to alleviate at least a portion of the problem."

"Or maybe you’re just copping out because you want to justify your behavior instead of looking at it and making changes."

"Ouch."

The breadth of this subject can be overwhelming. Dealing with others. Dealing with others fairly. Dealing with others fairly while remaining fair with oneself. And what is fair? Who has the definition for that one? Can we ever be sure that our right to set parameters for what we will and will not tolerate, is not simply a matter of opinion and not an indication of an infringed-upon boundary?

Behavior 101: A Conundrum