News from the Front Lines

Four of my books are live on Amazon and four more will be, by next week, probably. Then another five will follow within a month. Then I can start working on the books I've had to put on the back burner to do all those final edits. I've also gotten out of my groove with the writing because of everything else that required my full attention. I'm anxious to get back to it. It's such a part of me, that when I don't write, I start to feel a little empty.

Am on schedule for my relocation to Colorado. My disc is almost healed--no thanks to the stupid neurologist who told me I absolutely had to have surgery. As usual, i question authority, so I did my own research. It is common knowledge among 98% of other doctors, that surgery is an absolute last resort, and those who have it are messed up for life. More scar tissue, more surgery, more alignment issues because your spine does not function well with metal plates in it. Conservative treatments are always the first choice, but he tried to railroad me into scheduling surgery....(he didn't show me the MRI or the x-rays and even talked down to me as if I could not possibly understand the situation. He sorely underestimated me). I know now, this could have ruined my life. I don't have anyone to help during something like that anyway. Not to mention that they would have gone in from the front of my neck, which would likely damage my vocal cords--no more singing.... It could have been a nightmare....and so I smell the pungent odor of malpractice. I'm going to file a complaint and hope they investigate how many lives he's ruined--he should NOT have a license. I have fantasies of waltzing into his office and doing a jig on his desk and then telling him I'm going to ruin him, and kicking him in the nuts on my way out.

{okay, deep breath, and back to my happy space....}

I am so excited about moving. I've had good luck selling stuff and will have a yard sale too in the next few weeks. My house is becoming more and more empty....less and less to load and move. Yea! Oh, and i have a possible volunteer situation to load the trailer (can't do anything like that anymore)--and I have a backup guy that I will pay to do it if the other thing falls through. Just trying to stay under budget.

I've already made some friends there I'm going to hang out with. Erin will be meeting me upon my arrival to help me, though I plan to have someone hired by then to unload. I did promise to take her to dinner, though, because she was so supportive while I was here alone with this crippling neck injury. She's very sweet. I'll try not to take advantage of her. hehe.
Okay, maybe a little.

News from the Front Lines

Silk Purses from Sow's Ears

My best friend holds that distinction for many reasons, not the least of which is, she manages to teach me how to find opportunity in adversity.

During this recent challenge, though I approached it as I always do, by getting information and understanding what I really had to face, (and what I didn't)--in seeking the truth--I was very proactive about tackling the situation. But within that mindset, still lived my tendency to allowed myself to be beaten down by repetitive ideas...like the idea that my life was on hold and there was nothing I could do about it.

So Justi and I were talking on the phone (which we do several times per day) and in speaking of the delays in my move to Colorado, the obstacles...i worked myself into a lather and heard myself say, "If i have to stay in this situation much longer, it's going to kill me." I think she took that to mean i was suicidal, and that wasn't the case. I have been through that dark night of soul and and have come to a conclusion that precludes taking my own life. I said "I don't want to die, I just don't want to live like THIS." That's an important distinction. But for whatever reason, my friend thought I was fearful that I would become suicidal, so her skill of making a Silk Purse out of a Sow's Ear kicked in.

She began to form a plan that would get me to Colorado. We discussed the details and at the end of it, I realized she was right. I could go. I could get there by August 1st. I would have to make a different set of decisions and let go of some old ideas, as well as some material possessions.

That was the first pertinent point: are these THINGS more important than my sanity or my happiness? Well of course not. So if I sold, gave away or tossed most of my stuff, the costs would decrease substantially, because I could drive there in my Blazer, pulling a U-haul trailer instead of dealing with a truck and auto transport. And, as it has happened several times before, i realized i was also maintaining a paradigm that was no longer supported by the details. I've written about this before. It's that tendency we have to hold onto our ideas about how things are, when things have changed since that assessment was made. We have to go back and look at the details that brought us to that conclusion and ask ourselves if those details are still true or even still exist. If they don't then the assessment of the situation must change, because the ingredients have changed.

One of those details -the most pertinent one--was that i no longer had a crappy undependable car. I had a really nice Blazer. With more room inside, and a luggage rack on top, and a TOWING HITCH. So the necessity of an auto transport, and thus, a TRUCK to pull it, meant more costs. If that was no longer in the paradigm, then the costs were less, which helped make it doable. Then we went through my budget spreadsheets and added up what I would have over the next few months and what i could generate by selling many of those things that kept me tied to this location. This created a possibility where there was none. And all I had to do was let go of some ideas and some material possessions.

So I am moving Aug 1st. Traveling light, but certain that my smile will become bigger and bigger the closer I get to Colorado.

I love my best friend.

Silk Purses from Sow's Ears

Shifting Universe

So much can happen in so little time...I have been feeling a shifting in the Universe for several months now. I had some important decisions to make and for the most part, have made them.While my personal shifts are quite obvious--the angst of searching for something i might never find; the fear that that search necessarily engenders; the knowledge that although time is a human construct, it affects my body and i don't want it to; the moral and ethical dilemmas that confront me regularly; the constant quest for unfettered serenity; the need to share my work coupled with the misgivings of revealing too much of myself--these are all omnipresent.

But i can't escape this overwhelming sensation that there is so much more going on right now than i am privy to. War and rumors of war; a spiritual awakening; natural disasters; alternate universes a few feet away from me... the microcosm and the macrocosm.. the promise of change and the threat of stagnation.

Shifting Universe