I had a phenomenal 6+ HOUR conversation last night on the phone, and it made me so happy to have such great rapport with someone. Communication is vital to me, and last night was a validation of why it's such an important part of my life. I have always enjoyed what i call "brain sex"--that is, engaging someone intellectually in a way that is so satisfying and inspiring, that you feel some chemical in your brain has been re-routed to the pleasure center. The perfect combination for me is conversation that includes thoughtful exchange, openness, honesty and frequent laughter. All that was present in this conversation. I went to sleep thinking about it, and I woke up thinking about it. I could not wait to speak to her again, and I am anxious to meet her in person and spend still more time getting to know her on that level. I feel..........lucky. This is not a feeling I've had with much frequency in years...i can only hope this is a portent of things to come.
Brain Sex
I hung up feeling equal parts indignant, confused, and chagrined.
It seems that one old friend is offended by the fact that i don't enjoy a relationship that resides exclusively through phone lines; It also seems that while i may have a history with this Phone Friend, this somehow implies that i have a present, as well; I stand accused of giving more to those who are currently present in my day to day life, than to you, old friend--you, who made a valiant effort to destroy me, and then demanded an apology. . . you, whom i haven't seen in person in three years; you, who might be in my area, but is unable to find a moment to see me. . .
Now, after i have pulled my life out of a gutter of nothingness and futility, managed to win a battle against all odds, and after i have reinvented myself, learned to embrace happiness and laughter, and after i have written and published six books, which you neither buy nor read--you chastise me for not supporting your career--the one that did not lend itself to support, the one you never had--and you remember only that i was pathetic and desperate and barely hanging on; that i traumatized you with my trauma back then, that i embarrassed you with my disability.
I remember that when i was in my darkest days, hungry, exhausted, in pain--you made me watch you buy fish for your aquarium.
Phone A Friend
