Someone said, about this monogamy debate,
"let me grow at my own rate, let me make my own mistakes, stop interferring with my journey!"
Well, I wouldn't pull them apart and scream "I forbid you to do this!" I am merely voicing my opinion--but not interfering with their right to use free will and make their own choices.
I am not trying to be the Morality Police here, but that doesn't mean i don't feel there needs to be some policing--by someone....by all of us, really. I have always believed that what two consenting adults do is about Primum non nocere: "First, do no harm." ...that includes safe sex or full disclosure of STD status. I guess this edict would include that third person who might be "Okay with it" when her girlfriend sleeps with someone else...I could never be okay with that. I endeavor to be not only "Enough" for my partner, but PLENTY. So if she feels she needs something sexual/intimate from someone else, we are not suitable partners, and she can tuck and roll. And never roll back in my direction. I don't "share" precisely because i have respect for myself, as *I* define self-respect. Part of that is how something makes me feel. When i have a strong negative reaction to something--there's a damn good reason behind it. I believe that if someone needs more than one person at a time, they either have a sex addiction, profound and abnormal need for approval or love, or they are just universally and perhaps blindly selfish. (These are my feelings/opinions/beliefs and everyone else is entitled to their own, whether they agree with me or not. Hurray! there's another one of those "Freedoms.")
But again, i am stressing here, that the deeper issue is much more complicated...the deeper issue is about our evolution as beings of integrity and collective consciousness...are we all going to be such free agents that we stop caring about what our actions might CAUSE?
Others have made good points, and some points i don't think are accurate, like the argument that there is no real decline in morals these days, as compared with the past. However, the very nature of our society is one predicated on a moral decay that grows stronger every day. Are you watching and reading the same information I am? Why is this even in question? I KNOW, personally that things have changed because i have been a kid and have grown up and am aware of what's happening with the generations now and since then. I see it clearly. Things are VERY different where morality and ethics are concerned. So I'm always a bit chagrined by the stance that all is well, and ethics is alive and well. But that's just me--I'm chagrined, and no one has to care that i am chagrined.
And as for the "carnal thoughts" someone might have about your wife, I don't see that doing any harm, and if it served as an aphrodisiac for both of you, then smack my ass and call me a participant. I had my own experience with that one when i was in a band with a girlfriend, and after the shows we performed to cloying, flirty, appreciative fans, we would arrive home with an overwhelming case of the hornies.
I suspect that the use of the mantras, "it's none of my business"...or "I can't judge others" is precisely the sort of apathy that generates more problems. Are we not supposed to use our judgment? What's it there for, if we don't? are we not supposed to draw rational conclusions from facts? Are we so worried about being politically correct that no one can call anyone else into responsibility? Are we so terrified of losing one iota of our freedom, that we balk at the slightest challenge to it? Are we all becoming cowards? Am i crazy, unreasonable, and offensive for drawing these conclusions???? Should i just give up and join the crowd because it's easier? because instant gratification feels so good? I've been guilty of it-- I'm not always a paragon of virtue. But i do try to learn from my actions. And i just have this pervasive sense that we are all moving dangerously far from the ideals that might save us from this decline that is as clear as cellophane to me....i think i'll change my name to Helena Handbasket.
And even if the number of sexually active/promiscuous teens and kids remained exactly the same (and i haven't seen any evidence of this, but have seen evidence to the contrary)--but assuming that's true--then, there are so many other things that have changed in recent generations that make having a moral compass and an ethical footing more important than ever. Here's some stats to shed light on it:
According to Project Reality, 10,000 teens acquire a sexually transmitted disease every day. Although current sex education has increased condom use among teens, the number of adolescents afflicted with an STD has risen with it, so that a teenager is stricken every 8 seconds.
One out of every three children is having sex at the age of 10, and 17 out of 100 will deliberately spread the virus if they know they are HIV-positive.
These are the findings of a comprehensive survey by the Community Information, Empowerment and Transparency (CIET) in November and December 2002 (five years ago--trending would suggest it's even worse now).
Some of the other disturbing findings included that, at 18, two out of every three children had had sex.
Two out of 10 pupils did not believe condoms prevented pregnancy or other sexually transmitted diseases.
One in 10 said they believed sex with a virgin could cure HIV/Aids, and one in 10 had been raped in the past year.
Three out of every 100 pupils thought that girls liked sexually violent boys and one out of every 10 thought that girls who got raped, asked for it, according to the study.
The study further stated people were becoming sexually active earlier and belief systems about sex supported sexually violent and sexually irresponsible behavior.
"It is not surprising that 43 percent of all sexual crimes committed on children reported to Childline, were committed by children under 18," the study reported.
Consider these statistics:
* Almost half of all students in grades nine through twelve have had sex.
* Half of all girls are likely to be infected with an STD during their first sexual experience.
* Nearly one in four sexually active teens have an STD.
* Teens will contract nearly one in four of the 15 million new cases of STDs this year.
* Teens make up 10% of the population, but they contract up to 25% of all STDs.
* Herpes (specifically herpes simplex type 2 or "genital herpes") has skyrocketed 500% among white teenagers in the last 20 years.
{remember, "back in the old days" there were only two STD's "available (LOL-sorry) and these were both treatable with penicillin}.
* One in five children above age twelve tests positive for herpes type 2.
* One in ten teenage girls has Chlamydia; half of all new Chlamydia cases each year are diagnosed in girls 15 to 19 years old.
It gets worse. The Journal of the American Medical Association reported in a February 2002 editorial that the number of people with asymptomatic STDs (diseases with no outward symptoms like lesions or warts) probably exceeds those whose diseases are diagnosed. This means that the epidemic may be twice as large as we think.
The STD epidemic is a catastrophe. Millions of teens have been hurt. Millions more are threatened. Diseases are tearing into the bodies of our children in ways that will cause irreparable harm or possibly death.
Oh yes, i can see how the lack of steadfast ethics and morals have had no affect on any of us.
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